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Who Was Who 5000 B. C. to Date(谁是谁)

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
1
WHO WAS WHO 5000 B.
C. to Date
Biographical Dictionary of the Famous and Those Who Wanted to
Be

Edited by Irwin L. Gordon
WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
2
NOTE
THE editor begs leave to inform the public that only persons who can
produce proper evidence of their demise will be admitted to Who Was
Who. Press Agent notices or complimentary comments are absolutely
excluded, and those offering to pay for the insertion of names will be
prosecuted. As persons become eligible they will be included without
solicitation, while the pages will be expurgated of others should good luck
warrant.
Who Was Who contains over 500 biographies of those who did or
endeavored to become famous. In a work of such magnitude errors
occasionally occur. Should this be the case, the editor will be glad to
receive corrections from the ex-celebrities or their enemies. These will be
accepted gratis. Proofs will be sent to all subscribers. Members of the
family will be able to order the coming editions in advance by applying
and remitting to the publisher.
The work is fully protected by the libel laws of the United States and
Great Britain. Under no circumstance will duels be fought.
The editor wishes to express his thanks to those who have furnished
material for this book. He also trusts they will show their good feeling by
purchasing a copy, and that all the unfortunates will speedily be returned
to Who's Who. THE EDITOR.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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ADAM[1] (last name unknown), ancestor, explorer, gardener, and
inaugurator of history. Biographers differ as to his parentage. Born first
Saturday of year 1. Little is known of his childhood. Education: Selfeducated. Entered the gardening and orchard business when a young man.
Was a strong anti-polygamist. Married Eve, a close relative. Children,
Cain and Abel (see them). Was prosperous for some years, but eventually
fell prey to his wife's fruitful ambitions. Lost favor of the proprietor of the
garden, and failed in business. A. started a number of things which have
not been perfected. Diet: Fond of apples. Recreation: Chess, agriculture.
Address: Eden, General Delivery. Clubs: Member of all exclusive clubs.
[1] Ed. Note: Adam should not be first, but he is given that position
out of respect.
ABEL, son of the above. Spent early days in the Garden of Eden with
his parents, and later traveled with them. Conducted a sheep raising
business. Finally had a row with his brother, and was knocked out in the
first round. ABRAHAM, a patriarch whose descendants now own New
York City, Jerusalem, vast sections of the remainder of the globe, and
control the pawn-broking, diamond, theatrical, and old clothing markets.
Camel and sheep merchant. Considerable land was willed him. A.
prospered. Married Sarah (last name unknown). Marital infelicity followed,
A. having an affair with Mrs. Abraham's maid. The woman was
discharged, and the family lived happily ever afterward. Ambition: The
chosen people. Recreation: Riding, tennis, camel racing. Address: Caanan.
Clubs: Country.
ABRUSSI, Prince Luigi Amedeo Guiseppe Maria Ferdinando
Francesco, of the Italian nobility. Spent the greater portion of his life
taking care of his name, climbing mountains, fighting Turks, and denying
rumors regarding his marriage.
ACHILLES (first name unknown), a baby whose mother gave him a
bath, but forgot to wash all of his feet. Later was veteran of the siege of
Troy. Died before receiving pension.

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AESOP, novelist, nature faker. Little is known of his childhood except
that he was fond of dogs and played with the cat. Later he made animals
his life's study. A. discovered the zoological principal that a turtle can run
faster than a rabbit, and that foxes never eat sour grapes. Publications:
Fables; the book has had a good sale. Address: Greece. Clubs: Zoological
Societies.
ALADDIN, of Somewhere. An ancient who possessed a lamp and a
genii with which he could secure anything an American millionaire or
actress can now purchase.
ALDRICH, Senator N. W., architect of the Aldrich Plan, a system for
removing the financial interests of the country from the common people
and placing them in the hands of the few.
ALPHONSO XIII, a king who enjoyed Paris without losing his job.
AMUNDSON, Captain Roald, another pole discoverer. Away back in
the year 1912 he reached the south pole after a considerable journey
through the Arctic regions. Like his predecessors he became an author and
lecturer. Publications: The South Pole. Price, Pd2.2S in England; $10.50 in
the U. S. Later A. retired and lived on his royalty. Ambition: A few more
poles, a few more books.
ANANIAS. See Dr. Cook and Roosevelt.
ANDERSON, Mary, actress; one of the wisest women who ever lived.
In the height of a brilliant stage career she fell in love, and decided that a
quiet home with a husband and children was more to be desired than the
empty plaudits of the crowd, and the attentions of stage-door Johnnies.
ANGELO, Mike, painter and sculptor of no mean ability. Born in Italy,
but named after Irish relatives. At school he showed his talents by making
cartoons of the teachers. These were unappreciated. Moved to Florence,
where he bought some chisels, brushes, and saw his first model. A.
remained a bachelor. Later he moved to Rome, and began a brilliant
church-decorating career. Secured permission of the Pope to give an
exhibition in the Vatican. This was finally made permanent. Also made a
fortune erecting tomb-stones for the Medici family, leading politicians of
his time. It is difficult to leave Italy without seeing much of his work. A.
never favored the cubists or post-impressionists. Recreations: Painting,

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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sculpture. Address: Rome.
ANTHONY, Saint, of Pauda. An Italian who visited Paris, and could
not forget what he saw.
ANTOINETTE, Marie, wife of Louis No. 15, who assisted her
husband to spend the French taxes. Was also a practical joker, her humor
terminating at Versailles when she advised a mob to eat cake during a
bread famine. Her wit was unappreciated. Ambition: Anything but October
16, 1791. Recreation: Versailles; looking through a grated window.
Address: Versailles. Later: Consiergerie, Paris.
APOLLO, a handsome ancient who fell in love, posed for his statues,
patronized music and poetry, and, finally, had a table water named in his
honor. Career: See longer and less respectable biographies. A. was the first
person to sing to the accompaniment of a musical instrument, but he was a
good singer. Ambition: Paris. Recreation: Music, travel, archery. Address:
Greece. Clubs: Athletic, musical.
ARC, Joan of, celebrated French suffragette. Spent girlhood milking
cows and embroidering. When the English ministry began operations in
France J. dropped her embroidery in the milk bucket and began
suffragetting. She did not break windows or blow up anything. Gathered a
host of males about her and captured towns. English exited. J. went back
to the cow, but again had to take to the armor. She was finally jailed, and
burnt up by the Radical ministry. She burned an old maid. Recreation:
Barn dances, churning. Clubs: Orleans Suffragette.
ARISTOTLE. Introduced brains into Greece.
ARMOUR, a Chicago family who keep the world supplied with meat,
and themselves out of the government jails.
ARNOLD, Benedict, a man who sent his name down through history
with a bad odor attached to it.
ARTHUR, King, a very dead English sovereign who manufactured the
Round Table, and did all the things a good English king should do. Little
is known of his Prince of Waleshood. Was crowned in Westminster Abbey,
but without the American contingent. Became proficient as a knight.
Stayed away from the palace so much his queen began flirting. Al's sword
was a wonder. Press Agent: Lord Tennyson. recreation: Grailing. Address:

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Windsor, Buckingham.
ASQUITH, Herbert Henry, an Englishman who helped run things in
his country before 1908, and who ran things after 1908. Was also a
favorite rallying point for suffragettes. Led a successful wing-dipping
expedition against some of his countrymen who held titles to names and
property. Also juggled dynamite in Parliament (see Lloyd-George).
Ambition: Women without ambitions. Recreation: Dodging, golf. Address:
Constantly in danger of a change. Clubs: Favored Radical.
ATKINS, Thomas, celebrated red-coat-wearing dandy who flirts with
nurses and cooks, spends his time boasting about South Africa and the U.
S. A., posing for motion pictures, and exhibiting royalty. Authorities differ
as to his marksmanship, although it is now conceded he can often hit a
man-sized target at the distance of 4 feet 3 inches. Weather, however, must
be clear. Is an authority on creases, backbone, accent, and tea. Beverage:
Everything. Recreation: Jacks, collecting stamps, Kipling, blindman's-buff,
parlor tricks, May-pole festivities. Ambition: Tortoise-shell monocles,
camp manacurists, pocket bath-tubs, and restoration of the tea canteen.
Epitaph: See Emperor William.
ATLAS, a man who held up the heavens and was not even a preacher.
Edited a huge book which bears his name.
AURELIUS, Marcus, one of the few Romans who is not remembered
for crossing a river, for being murdered, for murdering somebody, for
making speeches, or building triumphant arches or ruins.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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B
BABY, T. H. E., an unscrupulous tyrant, s. father and mother. His first
appearance caused heaven at home, and an idiotic father. Education: At
home. Career: A series of adventures. Was frequently ill, a poor sleeper,
toy demolisher, throat exerciser, nurse distractor, and a general nuisance.
Despite his shortcomings he ruled Home with an iron hand--a tear caused
a doctor-- a smile meant a gold mine. Diet: Principally liquid. Ambition:
The moon. Recreation: Coaching, hair pulling, a proud father. Address:
See Mother.
BACCHUS, patron saint of most men, benefactor, a jolly good fellow,
and the founder of the "morning after" feeling. Studied vine raising when a
young man. Discovered that grapes were not intended for a food. Invented
the greatest pleasure and pain giver the world has ever seen. Became a
traveler. Introduced ale and stout in England, whiskey in Scotland,
everything in Ireland, cocktails and patent medicines in the United States,
beer in Germany, champagne in France, absinthe in France, and vodka in
Russia. Career: Magnificent. Recreation: Paris. Address: Greece. Clubs:
All, except W. C. T. U. Epitaph: He Will Live In The Throats Of His
Countrymen.
BACON, Francis, either wrote or did not write Shakespeare.
BAEDEKER, Karl, one of the most versatile men who ever lived.
Childhood and old age unknown. Formed an ambition to travel when quite
young. First visited Switzerland, where he climbed every peak, walked
every path, hired every guide, and did everything a tourist should so. His
field of travel widened until every country in Europe was visited, as well
as the United States, Canada, Alaska, and Mexico. In these lands he slept
in every hotel, ate every dish in every restaurant, drank every wine, rode
on every boat, tramway, subway, and train; visited every ruin, museum, art
gallery, church, store; mastered every language, science, art, literature,
custom, history, and drew maps and plans of everything. Publications:
Baedekers. Recreation: Staying at home. Ambition: Tourists. Residence:
Germany.
BALFOUR, Arthur James, of England, one time leader of the talking

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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forces of the House of Commons. Ambition: Opposition seats on both
sides of the house, and an epitaph over the home rule bill. Recreation: St.
Andrew's golf and writing deep books.
BALZAC, H., a Frenchman who wrote a few Parisian stories which
may be discussed in respectable company.
BARBAROSSA, Kaiser, the only emperor of Germany who ever went
to sleep.
BARKIS. Fame rested only upon his complete willingness.
BARLEYCORN, John, an eminent citizen of the world. Spent early
days in the fields, breweries, and distilleries. Later resided in cellars. John
had a red nose. Was a great friend of Bacchus. He was a "wasser," he is an
"iser," and he will be a "will be-er." Ambition: The end of temperance
societies.
BARNUM, Phineas T., fathered the introduction of the peanut, the
clown, and the beautiful bareback riders. As a side show he taught that
some Americans were Progressives part of the time; that other Americans
were Republicans all the time, but that all Americans were not Democrats
all the time.
BARRY, Madame Du, writers' model, former queen of France. Was a
great friend of Louis XV. and helped make the dances at Versailles a
success. She always preferred marcel waves to pompadours. Ambition: To
have and to hold. Address: See Louis. Clubs: Anti-suffragette.
BARTHOLOMEW, an unfortunate saint who was skinned alive.
Patron of gold mine investors and American tourists in Europe.
BEARD, Blue, inventor of an original method to dispose of wives,
before Reno was discovered.
BEATRICE, a Florentine girl who gained fame by refusing the suit of
a love-sick poet. Later she conducted him through heaven, and made
arrangements for his travels in the other place. B. died a famous old maid.
Ambition: A lover with money. Epitaph: She Might Have Been Mrs. Dante
Had She Wanted To.
BEECHAM, a celebrated pill roller.
BELL, Alexander Graham, inventor of a well-known necessity and
nuisance. Started the saying, "Number, please."

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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BELSHAZZAR, an old king whose handwriting on the wall proved to
be correct.
BENEDICT, Saint, the man who introduced benedictine and monks
into Europe. Also gave his name to benedicts.
BERLITZ, the man who will teach you how to say it in everything.
BERNHARDT, Sarah, an ancient French actress. Sarah was born
before birth records were inaugurated, and no historian has been able to
determine her age. Career: On the stage at four months. During her youngwoman and goodlooking days-hood B. is said to have made a hit with
European nobility. In her declining years she made a few other fortunes in
the United States. B.'s fame culminated in having several cigars, perfumes,
perspiration powders, and a theatre named after her. Ambition: The
fountain of youth. Recreation: Statuary, acting. Address: Private cars and
56 Blvd. Pereire, Paris. She also has a telephone.
BILL, Buffalo, alias W. F. Cody, the delight of the American boy. He
began his career shooting buffaloes and Indians on the plains of the West,
and ended it shooting glass balls for a fortune in a tent. Installed the Iwant-to-be-a-cow-boy ambition in the hearts of young America. He also
made a goatee and a big hat famous. Played the show market a little too
long.
BILLIKEN, a funny little fellow who did not wear many clothes, and
made people laugh.
BISMARCK, a German who was a greater politician than any Ireland
has ever produced. He built an empire, crowned an emperor, changed the
Frenchmen in Alsace-Lorraine into Dutchmen, and made the Paris mint
work overtime for his country. Quite unpopular in France. Ambition:
Made in Germany.
BLACKSTONE, a rock upon which many a legal ship has foundered.
BLERIOT, benefactor of humanity, idol of the tourist, and enemy of
navigation. B. discovered a method of crossing the English Channel
without being seasick.
BLUCHER, a Dutchman who was on the job at Waterloo. He also was
not the only German general who ever fought France.
BONAPARTE, Joe, just Nap.'s brother (see him).

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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BONHEUR, Rosa, a lady French artist who wore men's clothes. Being
an old maid, she painted animals, but never mastered the parrot or the cat.
Her endeavors were confined to horses, and one of her paintings is
considered fair.
BOOTH, General William, founder of a vast army which never fought
a battle, made a retreat, or surrendered. Conducted campaigns in Great
Britain and the United States, with brass bands and collection devises. The
army later became a suffragette institution when women were admitted as
recruits, and placed as sentries to guard the Christmas-Easter collection
forts. Publication: War Cry. Recreation: Reviewing troopers and
troopesses.
BOSWELL, Dr. Johnson's press agent (see the Doctor).
BRADSTREET, author. Wrote a book in which he described your
bank account and told how you paid your bills. His complimentary
comments are highly valued.
BRIEUX, Eugene, a seller of damaged goods who got away with it
without being fined or driven out of business.
BROWN, John, an American who helped start the Civil War by
espousing the cause of the negro. This resulted in his body moulding in the
grave.
BROWN, Thomas, an Englishman who reversed the usual procedure
of life by springing into print when young, and keeping out of it when old.
BROWNING, Robert, a cryptogram writer whose poems are
deciphered by the Bostonese and cultured English people. It has been
estimated that B. could say more with fewer words and conceal his
meaning better than any writer since the adaptation of the alphabet as a
means of expression.
BROWNING, Mrs., Bob's wife. She also wrote poems. They were
easily understood, and consequently seldom read.
BRUMMELL, Beau, a man whose thoughts were more for the crease
in his pantaloons than for his head.
BRUTUS, Et Tu, a Roman murderer.
BRYAN, William Jennings, a famous Chatauqua lecturer who ran a
newspaper and the State Department on the side. Archaeologists claim B.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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formed a passion to rule the nation when a child. He only got as far as the
Democratic party and platforms. Became a golden orator with a silver
speech and offered himself as a rectifier of all things not Bryan. For ages
his name was placed on the presidential ballot and later removed. Made a
fortune by telling people why they did not elect him. Also toured the world,
but shot no game in Africa or Monte Carlo. Was the father of Bryanism, an
odious word meaning things Bryan. Later secured one Wilson to attend to
Washington detail work. Motto: All things come to him with bait.
Ambition: Short ballot with one name. Publications: The Commoner, a
newspaper devoted to Bryan advertisements. Address: Mail forwarded
from Washington. Epitaph: He Will Rise Again.
BUCHANAN, J. C., manufacturer of the Scotchman's delight and
weakness. He showed the world the excellence of two colors, and caused
many a man to lose the keyhole.
BUDDHA, a prince of India who tired of good times and turned
reformer. Advised his congregations to adopt the recall and referendum.
Nailed several anti-saloon and burlesque planks in his platform. After B.'s
death his friends filled the Orient with his bronzes. He was fat and wore a
fascinating wart on his forehead.
BULL, John, a fine, fat, American-beef fed individual who inhabits a
suffragette-infested island somewhere in the North Atlantic. Born several
hundred years ago and is beginning to show his age. Is fond of the sea and
is said to have a fine fleet. This has had off years, notably 1812. B. has had
trouble with a son who wishes to leave the paternal protection. Is fearless
except when faced by a hunger strike, the Pankhurst family, and thoughts
of Germany. Patronizes a costly social organization known as the Royal
Family, or a reception committee for American heiresstocracy, which also
dedicates buildings, poses for stamps, post-cards, motion pictures and
raises princesses of Wales for magazine articles and crowning purposes. B.
is a monitor of English style; wears a monocle, spats, 'i 'at, cane, pipe,
awful accent, and never makes his appearance without a cawld bawth. He
detests the word "egotism." Is a celebrated humorist, seeing through all
jokes but himself. Ambition: 'Ome sweet 'Ome. Recreation: Tea, Week
Ends. Address: Hingland. Clubs: Policemen's, Golf, Jockey, and Suffrage.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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Epitaph: See Emperor William Again.
BURNS, Robert, surnamed "Bobby," a Scotch bard who wrote love
poems about his sweetheart. He thus performed two remarkable feats--
making poetry in the Scotch language, and finding a girl in Scotland who
was as beautiful as his lines declare.
BUTTERFLY, Madame, a little Japanese lady whose child has
remained the same size and age for the past eight years.
BYRON, Lord, an Englishman who swam rivers, was wise enough to
get away from the London weather, helped kindle Greek fire, and wrote
poems.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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C
CAESAR, Julius, school book writer, river crosser, and a great
politician who was not born in Ireland. Entered Roman politics as the
leader of the Gang. Was active in military affairs. Became a fair general
despite his poor service training. Desired to write a book. Began by taking
an army and capturing Europe and England. He did not waste his time
with Scotland or Ireland. C. made a river famous by crossing it, and finally
included Rome in his history of victories. Became popular with the voters,
but had trouble with the Senate. Wrote books and paid his debts. Was
finally attacked by a few vested-interest senators, and stabbed by a chum.
The murderer was caught, but escaped the gallows. C. was honored with
one of the finest funeral orations over delivered over a corpse. He was also
awarded a few triumphant arches. Publications: Omnes Gallia est divisa in
tres parses. Ambition: Rome: Address: Capitol, Rome. Clubs: Gladiators,
Vestal. Was also a member of the Society for the Protection of Roman
Ruins. Epitaph: Veni, Vidi.
CAIN, one of our ancestors of whom we do not brag.
CANNON, Honorable Joseph G., late of the Speaker's Chair, House of
Representatives, Washington, U. S. A. For centuries C. occupied the chair,
and tenderly protected poor railroads and trusts from the unkind remarks
of congressmen who knew things and him. Was finally retired from the
chair by the Democrats, and from Congress by his constituents. Grave:
1912 election. Heir: Champ Clark. Ambition: Those good old trusty days
once more. Address: The Far Back Woods. Epitaph: R. I. P.
CANUTE, a king of England who proved the theory that the ocean
could wave at him.
CARLOS, Don, a man who does not believe a head is uneasy which
wears a crown. Ambition: Royal Palace, Madrid. Address: Northern Spain.
CARMEN, celebrated Spanish flirt. She worked in the government
tobacco factory at Seville until a clever writer and a musician rescued her.
Went on the stage. Has appeared in most of the cities throughout the world,
made love to several singers, and then been killed by a bull fighter after
singing her way through five acts.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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CARNEGIE, Andrew, or "Andy," or the Laird of Skibo. A fine old
American who went about giving away libraries, advice, peace buildings,
and advertising armor plate. When a young Scotchman he scotched his
three dollars a week and purchased the steel trust. Later retired. Ambition:
Universal peace with all dreadnaughts steel trust armored. Also a library in
every town. Recreation: Telling young men how to scorn the root of all
fortunes. Also receiving university degrees. Address: University
commencement platforms, New York City and Scotland.
CARTER, a doctor who wants everybody to have liver trouble.
CARUSO, Enrico, millionaire opera singer, who appeared in the
Victor Talking Machine and New York City. Always had a cold or a sore
throat, a condition which assisted materially in filling the house. Like all
his contemporaries, C. has been sued for divorce and breach of promise,
has lost his jewelry, visited zoological gardens, sung for charity, given
farewell concerts, and done other things to help his newspaper and boxoffice reputation.
CASTELLINE, Count Boni Di, a French gold prospector who was
successful for a time in the U. S.
CASTOR, one of Leda's twins. Also invented an oil (see Pollux).
CASTRO, Cipriano, of Venezuela. First man to introduce AmericanIrish politics into South America. Acquired a fortune, which was greatly
increased by a personal friendship with the American asphalt trust. Was
revolutioned a few times, and finally escaped with the mint and his life.
Career: Dangerous. Ambition: Subjects without guns? and a New York
police force in his country. Recreation: Taxes. Address: ?
CHAMBERLAIN, Joe A., of England. A former Lloyd-George of the
Treasury, who had different ideas of taxation.
CHARON, ferryman. Never had a childhood. Devoted life to his
business. Has navigated more people than all the Atlantic liners combined.
Ambition: A launch. Recreation: None. Address: The Styx.
CHAUCER (first name unknown), an early experimenter in the
English language. Notorious as a bad speller. His best-known work is used
as a student puzzle in leading universities and colleges. Ambition: A
typewriter and a dictionary.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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CHINAMAN, John, a well-known character in the U. S. who washed
clothes, and made chop suey until he had enough money to return to his
native land, purchase a few wives, and live in opium.
CHURCHILL, Winston, wrote books for a living.
CHURCHILL, Winston, did not write books for a living.
CINCINNATUS, of Rome, who left his plow to make his share in
politics. Later inaugurated the back-to-the-farm movement.
CINDERELLA, the only scullion maid who had a small foot and two
sisters in society. Historians have questioned her claims to fame, but they
may easily be substantiated by millions of children.
CLAUS, Santa, poor father.
CLEOPATRA, of Egypt. A queen who presented England with a
threadless needle, fell in love with some foreigners, was unsuccessful in
her love and naval affairs, and finally became a mummy through the
auspices of an adder. Ambition: An Egyptian St. Patrick. Also Royal lovers.
Recreation: Barging with Anthony. Epitaph: Pyramid.
CLIMBERS, T. H. E., an American man and woman who had money
and ambition. Spent the early portion of their lives gathering cash, and the
later in spending it. Were welcomed by many people, but never quite
reached the top. Both died trying to get there. Ambition: An English
nobleman in the family. Recreation: Paris, London, and Switzerland.
Address: See Recreation. Clubs: All, with the exception of the ones they
wanted.
COLE, King, a merry old monarch of the Kingdom of Childhood.
Great smoker, and was fond of the bowl. Recreation: Fiddlers.
COLEMAN, a man whose invention has caused tears and throat
burnings.
COLUMBUS, Christopher, map enlarger, skipper. Said to have been
born in Genoa. Something made him believe the world was round. He
endeavored to secure money to prove his theory, but nobody cared
whether he was correct or not. Realizing there was no capital or prophet in
his own country, he took passage to Spain. There he inveigled Isabella into
equipping an expedition for him to discover America. She did and he did.
Ambition: To keep New York City in the family. Recreation: Deck shuffle-

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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boards, dreaming. Address: San Salvatore. Clubs: Palos Yacht.
COMPANY, T. H. E., a man and woman who invariably called when
we were taking a nap or dressing. Charming conversationalists. Recreation:
Tea. Ambition: An invitation to dinner.
CONFUCIUS, A Chinese preacher of note. Lived some 500 years B. C.
and taught the chinks the art of joss making, and how to do things
backward. He also was the founder of ancestor worship. This still is
practiced in England, but never in the United States or Australia.
Recreation: Fireworks. Ambition: A Chinese laundry in every city. Epitaph:
More Majorum.
CONQUEROR, Will The, of Normandy. Wrote "Hastings" and "1066"
in all history books.
COOK, T. H. E., Lord of the Household. Entered the kitchen at a
tender age. Soon acquired considerable weight in person, and in the
management of the house. When she departed there was weeping, and
wailing, and waiting. Diet: Usually large and everything of the best.
Ambition: An American policeman, or Thomas Atkins. Recreations: Days
off. Address: The whole house.
COOK, Captain, a real explorer who discovered the Sandwich Islands
and who took the first Cook's tour around the world.
COOK, Doctor Frederick A., an explorer who said he discovered the
north pole, but nobody believed him. (See Peary.)
COOK, Tom, celebrated ticket seller, author of captivating travel
literature, and a tour arranger who guarantees to save you money. Owns
and operates the Nile and Mount Vesuvius. Publications: The Come On
Books. Ambition: Those Americans who want to see everything. Also
"first timers." Address: Any foreign city equipped with tourists.
COOK (first name not known), son of the above, who helps his father
save money for the tourist. He is called "fils" in Paris.
COPPERFIELD, Dave, one of Dickens' friends who assisted him in
building a reputation.
CORBETT, James J., known as "gentleman Jim," one-time champion
fighter of the world, and a "has been" for whom everybody has a good
word. Many persons wish he might be the Corbett he used to be. Ambition:

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
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A white champion.
CORELLI,[2] Marie, an old-maid authoress who wrote delightful love
scenes. She is said to have written some books which brought her fame
and royalty. C. does not approve of society except her own. She remains
secluded with her typewriter at Mason Croft, Stratford-on-Avon, only
being seen by her publishers and the editor. Publications: See book stores
and railway stations. Recreation: Flowers. Clubs: All anti-suffragette.
[2] Ed. Note: The editor hopes to remove this name before the next
edition. Its insertion is entirely due to the machinations of book reviewers,
who claim Miss Corelli's books have fallen into the "was" class. The
editor never contradicts a book reviewer.
COXEY, General, leader of the only non-militant army in the world
which did not take up collections or give away Christmas dinners.
CRITIC, Dramatic, a notorious prevaricator who tells the world to see
all the shows, and thus preserves the advertising column for his
employers.
CROESUS, an ancient John D. Rockefeller, who became wealthy
without trusts, the Supreme Court, or the stock market.
CROKER, Dick, ex-king of New York City. Born in Ireland of Irish
parents. From childhood he practiced the art of politics, which resulted in
his gaining the friendship of the New York police force. C. was elected. C.
was very poor. Later retired to his native land with two Atlantic liners
filled with salary. Ambition: An Irish president. Recreation: English
Derbys. Address: Ireland. Clubs: 1,100,000 New York Democratic.
CROMWELL, Oliver, a militant Presbyterian who entered politics,
and went about England tearing down churches. He also assisted in putting
King Charles I. out of his pleasure. Ran things in England on a reformCromwell basis, and after his death was honored by having his round head
placed as a decoration over Westminster Hall.
CRUSOE, Robinson, F. R. G. S., traveller and autobiographer. Visited
a sparsely-settled island in the Pacific Ocean; talked to parrots; found
some footprints; rescued Friday, and returned to England to become an
author.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
18
CUPID, Daniel, a cute little fat fellow who called on every one at least
once. Born shortly after Adam, and is still up to mischievous tricks. It was
he who made kings fall in love with poor country girls; chauffeurs with
their ladies, and beggars with princesses. C. held all men and women
equal provided they were good, and he made the happiest people on earth
when they listened to his voice. He witnessed several international
engagements, but did not like them, as the contestants gave him a black
eye. He also was responsible for mothers-in-law. Some roads he made
very rough, but C. always was a good guide. At times he caused pain, but
he said it never was his fault. When C. stayed in a house the sun was
always shining. You should be at home when he calls. Ambition: That sigh.
Recreation: Archery. Address: Perhaps you know. Clubs: None. He prefers
the fireside and moonlight nights.
CURIE, Madame, one of the few women who got her name in print
without being a suffragette or an actress.
CZAR. See Russia.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
19
D
DANIEL, ancient lion tamer. Also performed the difficult feat of
remaining in a fiery furnace without his family applying for the insurance.
DANTE, of Italy, architect of the under world, journalist, lover, and
poor politician. Wrote articles for magazines, but used too much slang.
Later fell in love. The girl (see her) knew what journalists were, and
refused to spoon. Exasperated, he began a bombardment of poetry. That
settled it. D. then entered politics. Soon learned they did not mix with love
and his business. Both he and his manuscripts were banished. Traveled in
Italy in the interests of safety. Posed for his bust while suffering with a bad
attack of dyspepsia. Publications: Poems, tragedies, and comedies (?).
Ambition: To be Beatrice's Romeo. Recreation: Travel. Address: II via
Dante, Florence. Seldom at home.
DANTON, the man who wound up France before the revolution.
DARLING, Grace, a light-house keeper's daughter who showed the
world that a woman may fear a mouse, but not a tempest. One of the truly
brave who did not receive a Carnegie advertisement.
DARWIN, Charlie, a well-known enemy of preachers. He discovered
that many men looked like their progenitors, and proved his theories with
the exception of one link. The clergymen claimed that a chain with one
link missing was no chain, and that D. was a nature faker. Publications:
Origin of Species, a valuable book, even if it does fail to explain the
currency bill.
DAUGHTER, Pharaoh's, an Egyptian princess, who took a bath, and
rescued little Moses from the bull rushes. (See Mose.)
DAVID, King, or "Dave," shepherd, writer, musician, champion sling
shot, and politician. Son of poor parents. Entered army as a volunteer, and
was awarded medals for his attack upon Goliath. Appointed musician to
the royal household. Became friendly with the Prince of Wales and
succeeded in doing him out of the coronation. Later was elected king. Fell
in love with Mrs. (name not mentioned by newspapers). Gave her husband
a conspicuous position in the army. Married her. Heir: Sol. Publications:
Psalms. Recreation: Slinging. Address: Jerusalem.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
20
DEATH, a hideous man who called at least once during a lifetime,
usually toward the close. Patron of insurance companies. Nothing is
known of his childhood. Historians claim he never had any. Possessed an
ugly face; wore a sheet over his head, and always carried a scythe in his
hands. Never brought happiness, although his visits frequently gave
money to some one. Never could be bribed to pass a house he wished to
enter. Many doctors and scientists have endeavored to kill him, but he
continues to be a safe bet at 100 to 1. Heir: None. Ambition: A happy
home and prosperous graveyards. Recreation: Sharpening scythes.
Address: Always hung out a black cloth wherever he resided.
DELILAH, friend of Samson, and quite a dip. She also accompanied
Samson on a number of European and American opera expeditions.
DELMONICO, founder of a Fifth Avenue New York City cafe, where
the cost of living has ever been high. He introduced the French menu into
the U. S. and with it considerable indigestion.
DEMOSTHENES, an old Greek talker.
DENIS, Saint, a saint with an Irish name who made good in France.
DEPEW, Chauncey M., an ancient railroad-wealthy U. S. Senator from
the state of New York. He made after-dinner speeches, dedicated
monuments; married a young wife, and was relegated to obscurity by the
American voters.
DESDEMONA, of Venice. A lady whose handkerchiefs cost more than
her clothes.
DESLYS, G., a French dancer who had sufficient charm to attract a
royal press agent, who could draw crowds and a big salary.
DEVIL, see Old Nic.
DEWAR, John, inventor of a popular Scotch beverage without which
no cold day is complete.
DEWEY, George E., a former American hero who totally destroyed a
Spanish armada in Manila Bay. He received the homage of a nation; had
cigars named after him; appeared in Who's Who; was paraded through the
streets; married a widow; moved to Washington; got in bad with the
inhabitants, and got out of the newspapers.
DIANA, an ancient sportswoman who loved fox hunting, hounds, and

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
21
the chase without the conventionalities of a society hunt. Address:
Ephesus.
DIAZ, Porfiro, former king and political leader of Mexico, who
departed from the social functions of a king to assist the government.
Legends prevail to the effect that he patterned his actions on a NapoleonRoosevelt policy. He also was requested to move. Ambition: A revolution
with himself on top. Recreation: The fandango. Address: Fifty years in the
White House of Mexico. Epitaph: Wilson Never Bothered Me.
DICE, see Thomas and Harry.
DICE, Diamond, American ten-cent adventurer; friend of the
messenger boys and embryo criminals. His biography formed an important
part in the lives of the boys who never visited the Carnegie libraries.
DICKENS, Charles, an English writer who wrote.
DIN, Gunga, a limpin' lump of brick dust, water carrier. Employed in
H. R. H. service in India. Wore few clothes. Fought in many battles.
Frequently gave bad water to soldiers. Rescued Thomas Atkins, but was
shot while in the act. Saved the government the price of a medal. His
pathetic story was widely published. Later it fell into disfavor in the U. S.
and Great Britain, it now being considered a crime to recite the story.
Ambition: To come back like Sherlock Holmes. Recreation: Sleep.
Address: Care of biographer.
DIOGENES, the most foolish man who ever lived. He endeavored to
find something with a lantern which could not even be located with a
searchlight. Ambition: A brighter lantern. Recreation: Cleaning globes.
Address: Tub. Epitaph: Here Lies A Man Who Attempted The Impossible.
DISRAELI, a Hebrew who gave up the trades of his ancestors to run
England.
DOE, John, an honest man who was defrauded out of millions by
persons who forged his name.
DOODLE, Yankee, American horseman who made people take off
their hats, shout, and whistle when he rode into town.
DORCAS, a modiste who founded the church gossip societies.
DOWIE, alias Elijah II, a celebrated Chicago divine who showed the
world how easily some people were deprived of their money and religion.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
22
DRAKE, Francis, an English admiral who did not have a public square
named after him. D. also introduced the spud into Ireland.
DREAMER, T. H. E., castle builder. Lived long ago, and intended
doing something to-day. Spent much time thinking about the best girl in
the world. A great friend of Procrastinator. Went through life waiting for
to-morrow. Several men, however, with the same name, have awakened
and given their dreams to the world (see Columbus, etc., and Lady
Macbeth).
DREW, John, prehistoric American actor.
DREYFUS, Captain, founder of the Dreyfus Case. Got out of jail by
being one of the few innocent men who got into print.
DUFF, Mac, a Scotchman who gained fame because he was a good
layer on.
DUMPTY, H., celebrated accident victim. Fell from a wall at an early
age and never recovered, despite the services of specialists.
DUN, another man whose word of commendation will enable you to
open a charge account.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
23
E
EASTMAN, George, inventor of the brownie camera and the most
expensive sport on earth. Ambition: The kodak fiend, tourists. Address:
Rochester and London. Clubs: Camera.
EDDY, Mrs., of Boston, Mass., U. S. A., a lady who made millions by
telling the world there was no such thing as the toothache, sea-sickness, or
hitting your thumb with a hammer.
EDISON, Thomas, an American who invented everything with the
exception of the sun dial, Pear's soap, and the Gillette razor.
EIFEL, a Frenchman who built the second tower of Babel, but who
was wise enough to stop before he got too high. EIGHTH, Henry the,
suitor, blue beard, and church builder. When a young man he became a
benedict, a condition in which he remained until well along in years. As
fast as a queen appeared at the breakfast table with her hair down her back,
she was dispatched to the block. A couple of queens got ahead of him. Was
nearly as successful in obtaining divorces as Napoleon, of France, and
American millionaires. In his later years he competed against the Pope in
England. Ambition: A harem. Recreation: Spooning. Dreams: Bad.
Address: Windsor.
ELGIN, Lord, the man who rolled the Elgin marbles from Greece to
the British Museum. Also had something to do with the interior of
watches.
ELIJAH, a prophet of old who was fond of ravens (not red). Later he
went somewhat out of his line, but succeeded as a chariot driver.
ELIZABETH, Queen, called "Bess" by Raleigh and the rest of the
boys. E. reigned when people did things. She was wooed and lost by an
Armada (see Philip II). She finally walked over Raleigh's coat, and later
wiped her feet on him. E. had a sister by the name of Mary, who was
better looking, and less fortunate. E. was queen when the pipe was
introduced into England. Other and less important events of her reign were:
Shakespeare, Spenser, and Virginia. Died an old maid. Heir: She did not
have any.
ELLIOT, George, a lady who wore a man's name and wrote books.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
24
EMANUEL II, Victor, the original of the statues in every town of Italy;
a king with ambitions, who was wise enough to entrust his affairs to a
brainier man, and was thus made famous (see Girabaldi).
EMERSON, Ralph Waldo, American writer who inspired his readers
to conquer the world. Several have failed. Also advised the practical
theory of hitching your wagon to the stars. Lived before the time of the
taxi.
EPICURUS, an ancient who believed that pain was unpleasant and
that pleasure was good. His descendants live in expensive hotels and eat
only in high-class restaurants. Many suffer with the gout. A popular cat
foot was named in his honor.
ESAU, an ancient who sold his birthright for a mess of breakfast food.
ESTHER, Queen, a beautiful lady who triumphed over the villain of
the book, married the hero, and lived happily ever afterward.
EUCLID, an old Greek who made poor students read his book as far
back as 300 B. C. He discovered the phenomenon that the shortest
distance between two points is a crow's flight, and that two parallel lines
always compete.
EVE, see Mrs. Adam.
EYRE, Jane, an old maid school teacher, who married a rich husband
after the fashion of books.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
25
F
FAGAN, the Hebrew benefactor of Oliver Twist, whose name did not
fit his religion.
FAHRENHEIT, inventor of an instrument which enables a person to
ascertain whether the weather is warm or cold.
FAILURE, T. H. E., a failure. Supposed to have idled away his
younger days. Believed to have dissipated. Said not to have applied
himself to school or business. Found fault with life and everybody, but
was never wrong himself. Unpopular. A great blamer. A lover of revolvers,
rivers, and the poor house. Frequently seen in the under world. Ambition:
The other fellow. Recreation: Too much. Address: All large cities. Clubs:
None. Epitaph: Here Lies A Man Who Never Really Tried.
FALLIERES, Armand, occupied a prominent position in the French
government for seven years. One of the most distinguished of the vast
collection of ex-presidents now scattered over the world.
FALSTAFF, a celebrated drunk.
FASHION, Dame, heart breaker, bank account ruiner, and patron saint
of French shop-keepers. She went about the large stores changing the cut
of ladies' clothes and the shape of their hats. Created some awful looking
things. F. made the poor men work very hard to keep up to her.
Publications: Editor of all Ladies' Magazines. Address: Paris, London, and
New York City. Epitaph: (Would that she had one.)
FAUST, chemist, traveler. A gay old man who fell in love during his
second young manhood, traveled in a warm country, and sang his way to
fame.
FAWES, Guy, a man who attempted to make an impression in
Parliament without introducing home rule or suffrage bills.
FINN, Huc, a bosom friend of Thomas Sawyer (see Tom).
FITZIMMONS, Robert, an obsolete fighter who wishes he could rub
the black spot from the ring.
FLETCHER, the inventor of chewing.
FLORADORA, an American chorus girl, who was some popular with
the men. She appeared in all large cities with the best looking chorus that

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
26
ever wore tights. F. created such a sensation that every living actress of
note is willing to be classified as a former member of her company. Had a
miserable cigar named after her. Ambition: Revival. Grave: New York
City. Epitaph: There Were Not Many Like Flora.
FOGG, P., The man Jules Verne sent around the world in sixty days for
a big sale.
FOOL, A., a spendthrift lover. Fell in love with an unintelligent
woman and one who never could understand. Followed his natural bents,
even as you and I. Wasted several years. Wept profusely. End unknown.
Recreation: Vampires. Epitaph: He Was Not The Only One.
FRANKLIN, Benjamin, one of the few Americans endowed with
brains. He discovered that lightning was composed of electricity, that
politics paid better than printing, and that the French Court was more
lively than the Continental Congress.
FRERES, Pathe, patron of the motion picture fanatics.
FRIEND, A., the scarcest thing on earth. A rare visitor, but he came
around a few times in a lifetime. F. was glad to know of your success,
pitied you in your failures, and shook you by the hand when you were
down and out. Never borrowed money, but he frequently lent it. Was a
wise counsellor. Very popular. His name was frequently given the baby
(see Mischief). Ambition: The other fellow's welfare. Recreation: At the
other fellow's house. Address: The other fellow's house or his own. Clubs:
All.
FRITCHIE, Barbara, a Southern target. Sprang into poetry as the only
woman in the history of mankind who admitted her old age.
FULTON, Robert, inventor. Another brainy American who made a
fortune for the Cunard and White Star lines.

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
27
G
GABRIEL, A., trumpeter. Entered history at an early date as the agent
for the Garden of Eden. Compelled the Adam family to move. Historians
claim he will again be in Who's Who when St. Peter (see him) makes the
inventory. Ambition: Larger lungs. Recreation: Aviation.
GAINSBOROUGH, T. R. A., a versatile English hat and portrait
manufacturer.
GALILEO, inventor, star gazer. Proved himself an imbecile by
declaring the world revolved when everybody knew it was stationary.
Manufactured the first spy-glass, an instrument which has since been used
in theatres and for various other purposes. Also discovered that clocks
were equipped with pendulums.
GANGSTER, T. H. E., a politician known as a "progressive" when out
of office.
GARDEN,[3] Mary, a clever actress who succeeded on the opera stage.
Legend has it that Mary possessed a fine voice as a child. This was
expensively cultivated in Europe, was later exposed before English and
American congregations, and her Sapho-Salome-Thais-Carmen costumes
packed the houses. Ambition: Less wealth and more throat. She also wants
a husband with a soul. Recreation: Being presented with opera houses and
suppers. Residence: Principally Atlantic liners.
[3] Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement.
GARIBALDI, G., the George Washington of Italy without the tea party.
He espoused the cause of Victor Emmanuel (see Victor), and successfully
Bismarcked the Italian States. Slept in every town in his country, ran
second to V. E. in the number of statues erected to his appearance, and for
three years held the championship for eating spaghetti.
GARRICK, an old English matinee idol.
GATLING, R. J., he was considered a big gun.
GAUL, Dying, a brave soldier who posed for his statue when mortally
wounded.
GEORGE I, King of England, 1660-1727. Permitted the whigs in

WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date
28
general, and one Walpole in particular, to run England.
GEORGE II, King of England, 1683-1760. Held a few wars.
GEORGE III, King of England, 1736-1820. Lived during the reign of
William Pitt, and believed in taxing tea.
GEORGE IV, husband of Queen Mary (see front pages of our
contemporary Who's Who).
GEORGE-LLOYD, Dave, a well-known cigar, English politician.
Entered politics via a newspaper, clever speeches, and votes. Was a
modest member of the House of Commons, seldom speaking more than
four times on any bill. Kept climbing until he became under secretary of
something, order keeper of the Board of Trade, and finally occupied a
prominent position in the Exchequer. Assisted the Primer to grasp the Irish
home rule millstone, and hung on without a gurgle. Ambition: A dynamiteproof house, a tax on air. Recreation: (see Asquith). Address: Front row
House of Commons. Clubs: Anti-conservative.
GIBSON, Charles Dana, American artist who pleased the old
inhabitants before the market was so wet.
GILLETTE, manufacturer of a well-known Christmas present which
cuts barbers out of their tips, and is deucedly annoying to clean.
GIRL, The Chorus, Um!
GLADIATOR, Dying, another brave artists' model.
GLADSTONE, W. E., a grand old man who twice premiered England,
chopped trees, and failed to make accurate measurements with the Irish
home rule.
GLYNN, E., an old maid authoress who knew things. Wrote a book
which everybody tells the rector they have not read, and then re-reads it
when the doors are locked. In the United States a law has been passed
compelling booksellers

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